Not so long ago I didn't believe in myself. Love myself? I didn't evn think I liked myself.
When someone we love passes away we can lose our identity. We are no longer a wife/husband/family member/friend we were when they were alive. This is what happened to me. I woke up one day and realised I didn't know who I was any more. I knew and loved the person I was when Butch was alive, but the person I woke up with that day was a complete stranger. I didn't even know what I liked, what was my favourite food, song or movie. Who was I really? ...and what would happen if I didn't have any redeeming features or attributes? What if what I believed about me was 'all there was' to me?
I never looked in a mirror, and if I was forced to, I would only see my hair or my teeth - whatever I was concentrating on. I was terribly hard on myself, always delving into self-criticism and putting myself down, not just in my thoughts, but around others as well. I would shrug off any comments people made that were complimentary, telling myself they were just 'blowing smoke up my bum'!
One day I woke up and thought to myself 'I am worthy, I am special and only I can fix the parts of me that are broken.
I started off with my 30 day belief system, where I listed everything I believed I wanted to do and revisited the list for the 30 days. I was surprised to find a lot of the 'stuff' that had been on my list originally weren't my truths, they were other people's perceptions and thoughts of what I should be doing. I had accumulated a lot of outdated limiting belief systems during my life and accepted them as being my truth.
I began looking at what I liked about myself and why I should choose life. I came up with three things: 'My family and friends love me'. 'My family would miss me'. 'My friends might miss me'. I struggled to come up with anything else. It didn't escape my notice that all the things that were keeping me here were all about everyone else.
Having shocked myself with these truths, I decided I needed to do something about my life; find, acknowledge and celebrate what was lovable about me. I'd love to tell you it was easy, that I never gave up, but lying isn't something I do well.
I didn't have anyone I could tell my terrible secret to - after all, I thought, who else would understand that I had no self love at all. So I chipped away at 'finding myself for three long years until one day I looked in the woman in the mirror and she wasn't looking at me with pity or hate. In fact, she was poking her tongue out at me with love in her eyes!
Learning to love ourself is so important,. It's one of the things we should be able to do unquestioning, to love ourselves unconditionally, in spite of our faults and shadow side. These are all the things that make us unique and perfect to be the person we chose to be in this lifetime! It empowers us and allows us to 'be'.
Later, I discovered loving yourself is not something everyone does, that a lot if us have problems accepting ourselves for various reasons, whether it's personality, shape, size, beauty or intelligence.
This is why I created the 30 Day Love Yourself Boot camp, so others could experience the freedom and joy that comes with loving ourselves unquestioningly and fully. I have come through a three year self imposed Boot Camp and my life will never be the same! I love me, I love all things about me and I want everyone else to feel the same way about themselves!
with love, respect and integrity