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Goodbyes Suck - but is it really 'Goodbye'?

15/7/2012

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When my Grandma passed, I was in my early thirties. I was devastated. She was the first really close family member I’d lost. We used to talk for hours every day on the phone for as long as I could remember.
She was my mentor, confidante and constant source of inspiration. I couldn’t imagine life without her, so I cried solidly for two weeks. At the end of the two weeks I had a dream/vision.
As I lay there sobbing, my Grandad, who had passed over six months prior, brought her into my room. He told me Grandma was extremely weak and couldn’t stay long, but she wanted to see me before she went to 'hospital'. Grandma was leaning heavily on him and looked exhausted. He placed her in the bed beside me and we hugged and chatted for some time. Well, I did most of the talking, telling her how much I was going to miss her and I didn’t know how I’d cope. She reassured me, smiling weakly. 
All too soon, my Grandad came to take her away.  I could feel my body cooling where she’d lain next to me. 
 After Grandma’s visit, I found my loss easier to bear, because I knew she would always be around me, even though I couldn't have her here physically. She has visited me many times since, still imparting her wisdom and love.
I was luckier than most, even though I didn't appreciate it at the time. A few days
before she became incredibly ill, we'd had thanked each other for the love and fantastic memories.  I treasure those moments of gratitude we shared. Even now, when I remember that day, my eyes tingle and leak.
As we were chatting, she pointed over to the window, telling me my Grandad was standing there, waiting until she was ready.
In hindsight, I should have taken her passing with a lot more grace, given that we had been lucky enough to have such an opportunity to talk frankly, openly and lovingly with each other.
Time passes, sadness fades a little but love lives on forever!
with love, respect and integrity
Cherie xxx

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