Although I mentioned it to a few people and wrote it in my diary, I completely forgot about it until last Thursday...
I was lying in bed, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was thinking about the grief expedition I'm on and wondered aloud whether there was more to why it was so all-consuming at times.
Past life healing has been nudging me a lot these past few months so I asked my guides and angels if there was more to my grief 'pain' and could they show me if I had any past life issues I needed to look at.
I was instantly taken back to that scene I described earlier. This time I wasn't a partcipant, but an observer. In this past life, Butch had been a nobleman who had 'sought out my company' while he waited to get married. Although I worked in a tavern, I had a strong moral virtue and he had to work hard before I would agree to go to his bed. I was about 20, had a pretty face that always smiled and long red curly hair. We had lots of fun and laughs and I think we fell in love, even though it was never destined to be any more.
His future wife knew of our dalliance, but was resigned to it at first. After a while she began to question the duration of it and his reply was 'She amuses me.'
I fell pregnant and confided in my best friend, who then told the future wife. To prevent me doing any further damage, his wife to be arranged for me to be brutalised and beaten by some local louts.
I was then dumped on the side of the road. Although my injuries were horrific, I still carried the baby full term, leaving our son at an abbey where I stayed until he was born.
I couldn't bear to leave him, but I couldn't bear him to see how his mother looked. My left eye socket had been moved up and the bone had mended in such a way as to leave that eye unable to shut properly. My nose had been broken, as had my jaw, and my hearing had been affected. I now had a hideously deformed lump where my right shoulder should be and my arm was almost useless from having my arms pinned back. My beautiful red hair turned white and stringy almost overnight and I limped quite badly. I was so ugly, I felt ugly and I had lost all joy for life.
I walked painfully out of the village and spent the rest of my life in an old cottage in the mountains with an owl, a rat and a dog. I found a sort of pleasure discovering about herbs and flowers. People in the village closest to me thought I was a witch and asked for potions, which I made from nature.
The grief I felt about love lost and knowing I'd never see my nobleman again felt very real and I experienced this pain, even as an observer.
I died many years later, while gathering wild flowers on the mountainside, falling to my death on the rocks below.
As the scene disappeared and I returned to my bedroom, I asked my angels and guides for healing and realised there were a lot of similarities between my beliefs in my current life and those that I would have had in that one. I never knew why groups of loud loutish men made me nervous. I've had serious shoulder problems for years...and yes, it's the right one! About the same time my shoulder began giving me grief, pain in my lower back sometimes affected the way I walked.
There have been a few Aha! moments since that day, as I realise some of my belief systems are cellular memories I've brought in with me this lifetime.
with love respect and integrity